![]() Alas, the tide was against us.Īfter a halfway concert that showcased the best of Liverpool music (minus The Beatles: did a certain someone refuse to share the copyright?), we turned to the voting – jury first, then popular, which this year was drawn from across the entire world (a huge mistake: by the end of the decade every act will be singing in Mandarin).Īs each country’s representative delivered their results with predictable loquaciousness – “and, without further ado” always follows about 30 minutes of further a-doing – it became obvious that the real fight was between Italy, Israel, Finland and Sweden. And, of course, the UK’s Mae Miller sang, "Da-da-da-da-da-die" in a tune, “I wrote this song”, that the home crowd went absolutely wild for. ![]() But no one touched Austria's Teya and Salena's "Who the Hell is Edgar?", its repetition of "Poe-Poe-Poe-Poe-Poe-Poe" so infectious that it was like the tell tale heart, throbbing away beneath the floorboards throughout the contest. Norway, "La-di-da-di-da-da" (the chorus to a Wagnerian ode to "the warrior of the north and southern seas" that could almost be called pro-war). He was about the same age and attitude as Australia's Voyager, who drove onto the stage in a car with a keyboard on the passenger seat. And Germany entered a heavy metal act – someone tries it every year – whose lead singer wore a red lycra suit that had exploded outwards at the back, making him look like a tomato sliding down a wall. The accompanying notes say that during lockdown Mr Black became addicted to video games, indicating a concern for the coming techno-dystopia that was echoed in Ukraine's Tvorchi - a man with a "heart of steel" and cyborg-like arms to prove it.Īnother prisoner of insane set design, Blanca Paloma of Spain, was trapped within red strings, tickled by bodiless hands. ![]() Serbia's Luke Black awoke from a coma in a giant soapdish, attached by cables to four ghostbusters. Let’s just hope Suella Braverman doesn't find out.Įurope seemed to be breakdancing its way through a small breakdown. He looked like one of those men you read about in the tabloids who married a 74-year-old British holiday-maker, and now the relatives are desperately contesting the will.Īlbania’s Albina Kelmendi brought her entire family to the UK for the grand final, which is so sweet. Cyprus hired a Greek-Australian, Andrew Lambrou, to represent it - a guaranteed housewife's favourite who came dressed, just about, for judo. There was a cynical deployment of male pulchritude. The poor boy's outfit appeared to have been savaged by moths. Switzerland's Remo Forrer sang, in English, "I don't want to be a soldier", which is very Swiss. ![]() Croatia's Let 3 – who the judges hated but the public liked - wore skirts and fascist moustaches, making a statement that was lost in their refusal to translate it. Surprisingly, only a handful of the 26 competitors were expressly antiwar. Vote for this one or your family will be cursed for generations. Singer Pasha Parfeni danced with girls whose hair had been gelled up into giant scorpion tails, while a demon ran around their feet playing the recorder. Westminster Abbey to the Liverpool Arena was a journey from the sublime to the fabulous, culminating in torn-off skirts, mangled English, Hitlers in drag and France singing atop an inflated bin bag - though nothing prepared us for the terrifying folk horror of Moldova's "Soarele și luna". But though Britain finished second from the bottom (thank you Germany for sucking a little bit more), the world did get to see us put on another great show – just one week after the Coronation. The bookies were right: Sweden won Eurovision.
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